3 False Myths About “romantic Love” That You Should Know

Romantic love. To say that it is an absolute falsehood and a product created by cinema and literature would be, without a doubt, a mistake. Sincere love exists, and romanticism is an undeniable part of that process of seduction and attraction between two people.

Now, within this label, ideas that are not entirely true are often included  and, even more, concepts that can become very toxic are added, such as the sense of mutual dependence and absolute devotion. Let’s talk about it today. We are sure that you will find it interesting.

 False myths about romantic love

Many of us have a “romantic ideal” in our minds, that is, a series of ideas about what we expect from a perfect partner: understanding, affection, sense of humor, empathy, good communication, respect … Having all these ideals is, without a doubt, something healthy, since it helps us define what we really want and what we are not willing to accept or allow.

However, sometimes we get too carried away by the image of that romantic love that can do everything. A very “sold” type of love throughout literature and cinema, which instills in us concepts that, at times, can be very dangerous. We give you some quite illustrative examples:

1. Love is eternal

When we fall in love with a person we need to think that that feeling, that love, is going to last forever. We do not mean that this idea is false. Absolutely. What we must be clear about is that love is built day by day and moment by moment.

• Never force yourself to think that the relationship you have now must be forever. No one can guarantee us eternal happiness, so the best thing to do is to think about the “here and now.” Are you feeling good with your partner right now? That’s what matters.

• Making commitments is necessary. It helps us to reaffirm the bond with the person we love and offers us security. Now, not all relationships last forever and we must be prepared for it. If we focus our life around that person with absolute devotion, we run the risk of losing our self-esteem. If at any point our partner fails us, we will see how the world collapses. So take care of yourself too. Have your own personal space, your career, your friends. Enjoy your “world” in conjunction with the “world” of your partner.

2. Love requires total and absolute surrender

Here we have another danger associated with the classic image of “romantic love.” The woman is always that figure capable of giving up everything for the person she loves, someone who gives everything in exchange for nothing for her partner.

• We must remember that healthy love is one where both parties invest equally in said commitment.
• There is commitment on both sides, but the integrity and individuality of each is also respected. There is trust and respect. They are couples who know how to form a team and do not completely “absorb” the identity of the other.
• Never think that love asks for nothing in return. In a relationship we must expect many things, we want to be offered respect, happiness, and affection. We want to be valued as people and to be able to grow as a couple.

3. Jealousy is a token of love

• Feeling jealous is normal but, as in everything, there is a limit. I can feel jealous because I have a commitment to my partner and I would not like to see him in the arms of another person. However, I trust him and we lead a normal life where we establish agreements and speak calmly about any concerns. This would be an example of that healthy jealousy that we can all feel at some time.

• However, it is common that within the label of “romantic love” the other person is considered a possession  and, therefore, jealousy is a trigger for situations that are as toxic as they are dangerous.
• When your partner forces you to dress in a certain way so that men do not notice you, it is not a token of love. They are jealousy and it is domination. It is a way to annul you.
• If your partner is obsessed with knowing where you are at all times and prevents you from having your time and your friends, he is not showing you “romantic love.” Unlike. You will be living a toxic relationship where every day, unhappiness will surround you with its suffering. So avoid it.

Romantic love almost always contains very unhealthy dimensions within it. Remember that authentic love, the healthiest, is one that does not dominate, that does not put up walls, that does not drown you. Live a full life with a partner who knows how to listen and respect you, where both of you can grow as a couple and also individually, enriching each other every day and every moment. It is much healthier!