Can I Have A Favorite Child?

If you had one or more siblings, do you remember who was Mom or Dad’s favorite? You have probably expressed that concern to them. Curiously, his response was something like: “I don’t have a favorite son, I love them all the same . ” However, you knew very well who was preferred.

Now that you are a father or mother, you may ask yourself the same thing: “Can I have a favorite child?” . Maybe you already have it and feel a little guilty about it. For this reason, in this article we will discuss whether it is possible to have a favorite child; how it affects parents and how this condition affects children.

To say that this is something normal and habitual. And it does not necessarily mean that you love some more and others less; maybe you want them differently.

Despite everything, we cannot dominate or control our feelings, no matter how hard we try to hyper-rationalize them. You think one thing, but feel another. You don’t have to feel guilty about it.

Can I have a favorite child?

Although it may be tough, yes, parents generally have a favorite child. Various experts and scientific studies confirm that, to some extent, it is natural among human beings.

For example, in the article called “Reciprocal links between differential parenting, received bias and self-esteem: a longitudinal study of three waves” , the authors point out that, of 384 pairs of siblings, on average, 30% of the parents and 26 % of mothers treat their children equally.

This suggests that 70% of fathers and 74% of mothers do demonstrate that they have a favorite child. But what are these feelings of preference due to?

The root of preferences

There are different reasons why parents have a favorite child. Among them are the place of birth order, gender, appearance; academic or professional success, character compatibility, etc.

Regarding the reasons, it is most likely due to the parents’ unfulfilled expectations ; although this fact is not yet well defined today.

Is it okay to have a favorite child?

In the first place, having a favorite child is a fact conditioned by nature. Therefore, it is not so bad in spite of everything. In fact, this may encourage healthy competition among children to win the approval and affection of their parents.

However , favoring a child over others can generate psychological wounds that are difficult to heal. For example, not recognizing the efforts of other children could affect their self-esteem, create rivalries between them and even increase the chances of suffering from depression.

In conclusion, although having a favorite child is natural and logical, clearly showing such a predisposition is not the healthiest or right thing for children.

Believe it or not, children know their parents well and can perceive unequal treatment in the family. For this reason, favoritism must be handled with great care and sensitivity.

What can you do to handle favoritism appropriately?

One of the best things you can do is make your children feel that you love them unconditionally despite their differences; and, above all, confirm that this feeling will not change despite the level of compatibility.

Likewise, it is important to recognize the achievement of all children in the same way that the favorite child would be recognized. In fact, it is recommended that parents build relationships with their children based on what is valuable and important to them, paying special attention not to show favoritism.

On the other hand, your children may have realized that you prefer one of them. In this case, it is vital to pay attention to this observation and take the necessary steps to correct the situation.

Also, you should avoid denial about the matter. If you did so, you would not only increase the misperception of the children, but you would also hurt them emotionally.

The best thing would be to apologize and take their feelings into account. If they say it, it is because they notice it and it affects them. For that reason, try to be impartial and serve them equally.

Final thoughts

We must make something clear, not because the relationship with one of your children is much closer than with the others, it means that you do not love them and that, in turn, this makes you a bad father or mother.

But the truth is that if we want our children to develop healthily and live fully, we have to be impartial. Shows genuine interest in his favorite activities and constantly rotates favoritism.

In conclusion, you can have a favorite child, but you should not let this predilection steal your attention. Remember that the time or affection that your other children need from you are essential to feel loved and protected.