Public Tantrums: We Say Goodbye!

Tantrums are part of the process of separating the baby from the mother. They happen when the child begins to realize that he is an autonomous person.

With the 2 years of age of the creature, the dreaded tantrums arrive in public. At any time and for the most unexpected reason, an explosion of conflicting emotions can occur that upset the child. The outbreak is such that it leaves no one indifferent, especially the parents.

Despite the embarrassment it causes in adults, it is normal for them to occur. Tantrums are part of the process of separating the baby from the mother. They happen when the child begins to realize that he is an autonomous person, that he may want something different from what his parents want.

Why do tantrums happen in public?

Tantrums, tantrums, or tantrums in public are a condition of young children, who do not know how to express their impatience, frustration, or anger. They usually originate for any reason and are generally short-lived.

To know how to deal with these behaviors, it is important to identify the cause that originates them:

• The little one wants to show his autonomy in a challenging and demanding way : in general, the little ones have a hard time waiting.

• Has unsatisfied physiological needs : the child is hungry, sleepy, tired or physically unwell.
• There is absence or confusion with the rules and limits of the home : parents are very permissive or very authoritarian.
• In the most severe cases, tantrums can indicate depression, irritability, behavioral problems or disorders.

How to control a tantrum?

Marcelo is 2 and a half years old. Like every Sunday, they took him to the park. The difference this time is that it was only with mother, because the father could not accompany them. Marcelo played with other children but missed Dad. When it was time to return, Marcelo asked his mother to buy him a toy that they sold locally. She refused.

Marcelo began to cry and insistently asked for the toy. His mother, without losing her calm, told him that he could not buy it and that they should leave. Marcelo continued crying and refusing to leave the place. Marcelo’s frustration grew. The tantrum had started. The mother moved away from everyone’s sight. Crouched at Marcelo’s height, she looked him in the eye, hugged him and sat him on her lap. Then, he spoke to her in a very low and calm tone.

He told her that he understood her anger that Dad hadn’t been able to go. He explained once more why he couldn’t buy her the toy and that they should go home. Marcelo cried hugging his mother and released his frustration. After a few minutes, the storm had passed.

How to handle tantrums in public?

Tantrums in public begin when the young child is seized by feelings that he does not know how to deal with, changes in his environment, or because what he hopes or wants does not happen. The child directs his anger or frustration towards his parents, because he feels that the parents should have foreseen or avoided what happened.

So here are our tips for managing and controlling tantrums in public.

1. keep calm

Although it may seem impossible, it is important that parents maintain full control of their emotions at the time of the tantrum. Otherwise, they will be sending the child a counterproductive message, because they too would be letting themselves be carried away by their impulses.

More formative is the behavior for them than the words themselves. The example of parents is key to teaching children to self-regulate their behavior. Also, if parents are dominated by emotions, it is possible to fall into child abuse.

2. Anticipate the tantrum

Parents must learn to identify the triggers for a tantrum in public. For example, if you take the child to run an errand to the bank or the supermarket, it is normal for him to feel tired or get bored easily, since they are spaces that are not of interest to him.

If you have already determined that fatigue overwhelms him, it will not be enough to say “be good . ” You will have to explain to him that you are going to a place where he will have to wait a while, where he will not be able to run or make noise.

An explanation gives the child security and peace of mind. He knows what is expected of him and can act accordingly. Faced with these “boring” outings, it is good that you make sure to carry a toy or something in your bag with which the child can distract himself, plus a snack and water in case he needs them.

3. Be firm with your decision to handle tantrums in public.

You have to firmly stick with the decision you have made. However, it is possible to be firm with loving words and without yelling. It is important that both parents agree on this. One parent should not belittle and skip the decision made by the other.

Being assertive will get a clear message across to your child: Public tantrums are not ways to get what you want. This is essential to prevent tantrums from becoming habitual behavior.

Likewise, it is important that parents agree on what the rules are and how flexibly they will be handled. Yes, it is valid to be flexible and give in at some point, but you have to be aware of what you are doing. Giving orders is not the same as setting limits and rules.

4. Encourage mutual respect

Just as parents should avoid overdoing their children, they should also make children understand the importance of respecting parents. As a parent, you have to  insist and explain to your child that you will hear him better if he calms down. Not only because he must be respectful, but also because if he yells and cries it is much more difficult to understand what is wrong with him.

Never leave him alone or ignore your child during the tantrum. This gives a very negative message to the child: “I am not interested in what is happening to you.” Of course it is true that the child wants to get your attention! In fact, you need it. For the love and respect you have for him, give it to him.

5. Make eye contact

When faced with tantrums in public, you should speak to your child by looking into his eyes. To do this, you have to get at his physical height: either by crouching next to him or by carrying him. You could also sit down and put it on your lap. As you speak to him, keep looking into his eyes until he matches your gaze. This is the best time to talk and reason with the little one.

It is also recommended that you do physical restraint of your body, especially if in the explosion of the tantrum there is a danger to yourself or other people.Also, stay  away from the gaze of third parties and seek a more private environment, where the child finds the peace of mind you need to calm down.

6. Value your child’s feelings

Nothing better than affection and empathy to empower your child to self-control. For example, you can say: “I can see that you are very upset” or “I can see that you  are very angry.”

Recognizing the existence of a feeling is the first step to regulating it. It is not about the child repressing his emotions, since these could lead to emotional problems that are much more difficult to manage. First, you have to give him the opportunity so that he can recognize what he feels and learn to let it go. Hold him while he cries so that he can vent the energy that overflows him.

7. Punish misconduct, not the child

Avoid physical punishment, yelling and threats that violate the integrity of your child. It is not just about the legal implications that behaviors like these can lead to, but also that this type of reprimand teaches to be afraid of authority figures. Far from what it may seem, this type of sanction does not cultivate respect for them.

Always keep in mind that emotional and physical abuse only undermines your relationship with your child. Emotional damage generates more frustration, guilt, and anger than initially sought to contain. This is why it is so important to handle tantrums correctly in public in these early stages of development.

Regarding tantrums in public …

Identifying the situations that can trigger a tantrum is not an easy task, but it is not impossible either. Knowing the child will allow you to specify what he likes and what could be a source of annoyance for him. No one is born knowing how to handle these situations, but we are learning to be parents at the same time that we exercise as such. Seen from this perspective, education is a process of mutual knowledge and learning.

If you ever lose your cool in the face of a tantrum from your child, it is important that you do the necessary self-analysis so that you can control yourself better the next time. You should start by forgiving yourself. From now on, you will find together the way to learn to manage your emotions.

And finally, forget about those who are witnessing your child’s tantrum. If they are parents, they will have gone through the same thing as you now and they will understand you. And ignore those who are unable to understand the situation. You can ignore those, but never your child.

To calm down, your child needs to connect with you. You need to feel loved, content. Forget about the world at that moment and focus on it. If you follow these tips, the storm will have passed in a matter of minutes. Sooner rather than later, the tantrums will be gone, never to return.